I am not an angry person. Anger though is something that has plagued me and how I respond to people for quite some time now and it is debilitating. It is something that frustrates me to no end. This is a hard blog to write because I’m angry right now about a situation that I had no idea about yet the enemy is making me feel as if it is my fault and through prayer and intercession for my heart it is still taking a while to get over.
Communication leads to feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, spiritual fatigue and the most important thing agreements. Someone not communicating effectively leads to misunderstandings and agreements. For me I struggle daily with communicating effectively to people. My mind races a million miles an hour and at times I don’t think before I speak and it gets me into trouble.
Someone asked me the other day if I had ADD/ADHD and my response was, “Nope! My mind goes crazy with things to do, say, and things to process all the time. And as I look back on the past few years I’ve noticed a big change in my heart. In college I was a humorous crazy person with lots of unresolved issues. I used to be someone who could process things quickly and use something funny to get my way out of it. NOT ANYMORE! As I have matured, gone through my heart and resolved some issues and sought God more, those same fleshly desires spring up like a geyser spraying everyone in the way and leaving them feeling unloved and shocked by it. And now its that constant battle and struggle to work through those issues and find not just spiritual relief but to find and healing and holiness.
Paul in Romans 7 offers a unique perspective about this when he says:
12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.
13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law
23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
We all do the things sometimes we don’t wanna do and it is not because we are wicked to the core or anything else like that we do it because of sin and our fleshly desires. The change I know that God is doing inside of me even as I write this is not to just “work on things,” but rather to go fiercely into battle and go into the depths and the dark night of my soul that bounds my heart is bitter chains. Now you must know that my entire heart is not bound up in chains, but anger right now nags and pulls me down. And the truth of the matter is thats not who God has made me to be. God does not desire any of us to be angry, jealous, selfish, prideful, arrogant or any of those other devices that sin and the enemy throw at us. God desires us to be holy.
I’m fortunate and grateful to have a loving community, family and a wonderful fiancee to encourage me and to help me to fight through the trenches with these and other issues. I am not a completed work and God is still making me new. Revelation 21:10 says, “Behold I make all things new.”
God continue to make me new! Make us new!
